Sunday, January 16, 2005
i injured my finger last week. the doctor bandaged it. had it on for a week. my left middle finger was swollen and it was totally bruised. its so ugly. my finger can now move.
i completed my work for pattern making and sewing. im happy. im a good girl.
i got angry with D'wayne on wednesday night and i didnt answer his calls for 2 days. on friday afternoon, my classmate called to tell me that she saw D'wayne holding hands with another girl in town. it adds on. he called gain that night. told him what i knew and gave his an explanation about why i refused to answer his calls. he gave me a thousand and one reasons/excuses. he told me that i wasnt in any position to play games with him, intefere with which girl he goes out with and his life. i stand no where. so much for telling me that he love me on tuesday night. i was shocked cause it's been a long time since i last hear it from him. a year i guess. tragedy.
argument. late at night when all the world is sleeping, i was screaming and crying so hard over the phone. slamming things, hitting walls and everything. he added in by saying i could just open the window and jump off. i wonder why does he want me dead so badly. its been a long time since i last cried this badly until i hardly look like myself when i was looking into the mirror. since the day i didnt answer his calls, everything changed. he no longer cares and treasure me anymore. i didnt wanna jump off the building. i did something stupid. consuming different kinds of medicine i could find in the kitchen. my head hurts like shit. instead of slashing my wrist and jumping off the building, i chose to do something less painful and wouldnt kill. why didnt i get hospitalised.
my heart hurts more than my head.
those medicine don't work.
i realised that i cant do without him.
its not that i didnt try.
i've tried so many times.
cindy-ave-kelly (:
1/16/2005 01:18:00 AM
